Jill – J.I.L.L.

A Fire Rainbow?

I’ve been wanting to post on here for a while… And today something happened that is perfect as the subject of my first post in a long time.

I must first apologize for not keeping up with this blog. I am not naturally inclined to share personal stuff online with masses of people. Some of that comes from being a public educator; however, I think most of it is just innate in me. I’m endeavoring to do better.

Since my last post, a lot has happened. I finished my dissertation and I landed an amazing job in higher ed! Unfortunately, this also meant relocating two hours away from my family. I’m still in Florida though.

And that brings me to a fire rainbow. I decided to go out and grab a sub for lunch today. (By the way, being able to leave leisurely for lunch is a foreign concept to someone who was a public school teacher and a public school administrator. At it’s worst was being a principal, when I was lucky to get 12 minutes to shove food down while answering emails at my desk. I often ate my lunch standing in a cafeteria full of rambunctious kids. No easy task for someone who is a messy eater in normal circumstances!) As I walked to my car, I realized I was initially a little put out at having to walk “all the way” to my car, drive “all the way” to the sub shop and back, and then walk “all the way” back into the office. And then my internal dialogue kicked in and I chastised myself for being so petty. The walk and the drive are really not that far. What’s more, is it’s a beautiful day. I should appreciate being able to leave for lunch and getting to be outside on such a glorious day. As I’m reframing my mood, I look to the sky and, low and behold, there’s a rainbow up in the sky!!! A happy little bright spot of color. Just for me. So I stop and take a picture.

The science nerd that still lives inside me was thinking, “I know what a sun dog is but I don’t think that’s what this is. Oh well.” And I moved on, basking in the lovely day and my good fortune of seeing this happy little rainbow. Some simple Googling later (yes, after I ate my sub of course) and come to find out it was probably a fire rainbow, a relatively rare phenomena that occurs only under certain circumstances. There’s a chance it is just cloud iridescence but I’m leaning toward fire rainbow. At minimum, fire rainbow sounds way cooler!

Scienceabc.com article on fire rainbows

Sciencenotes.org article on fire rainbows

On that note, I encourage you to look at the bright side of things, keep an attitude of gratitude, and stop to smell the roses (or, enjoy the fire rainbow).

An analogy

This is Sushi. She’s a pug and she’s quite the character.

Sushi isn’t spayed so she still goes into heat. This is new to me. I have no experience with an unspayed adult female doggie. Among some other things, not being spayed and going into heat means she drips fluid from her lady parts. She drips on the floors, on the couch, on your clothes, on the other dogs, and on and on, and it is a bit annoying. It also means lots of extra cleaning.

*Fun science fact: the protein in dog blood is different from human blood. Although human blood is one of the toughest things to get out of fabric, dog blood is not at all difficult to get out.

Even so, it’s really not fun at all to see and have to clean up that mess. Everywhere. All the time. While she’s in heat. I know some of you are thinking, just get her spayed. And yes, that would remove this issue. However, you can’t do that while she’s in heat. So you have to endure. Or do you?!

And that’s where doggie diapers come in. For a small fee and minor inconvenience (you have to remove it when she goes out to go potty and put it back on when she comes back inside), all the little drips are no longer a problem! Fortunately, Sushi just accepts having the diaper on. Not all dogs would leave it be. So that’s a blessing.

And, what’s more, you can get washable doggie diapers in different colors. So it’s really easy to clean the diapers, you’re not adding waste to incinerators or landfills, and you can choose ones that look like jeans or pink ones to match her collar. What fun!!!

In all seriousness though, have you ever found yourself annoyed and frustrated cleaning up little drips everywhere, knowing you can’t turn that faucet off?! Well , is there some way you could instead bandage that puppy up (pun intended) and give yourself some relief?! Think outside the box. Talk to other people about it. Perhaps there is a simple solution you’re not seeing right away. It’s worth spending some time to see.

Delicious Ambiguity

Have I mentioned that I am loving waiting tables?! I get to meet such amazing, interesting, and kind people.

I met a man recently who was celebrating completing his first half marathon. He is 91 years old. And he and his wife have been married for 66 years. Just amazing.

I also met a couple recently to whom I mentioned a bit about my story and my blog. As we talked about my unknown future, the lovely lady said she likes to call that “delicious ambiguity.” No matter how things turn out, they will be good. I told her I loved the saying and that I might post about it. Well, here it is!

And here’s to all the wonderful things you can learn from talking with people. Love. It is the absolute most important thing in the world.

Beach for Self Care

I took some time for self care yesterday at the beach. I try to make it to the beach at least once a week, even if only for an hour or so.

Yesterday was 78 degrees, with a light breeze, and only a few clouds. I decided it wasn’t going to get better than that so I grabbed a beach chair and a towel and made the 10-15 minute drive to one of the local beaches.

I enjoyed laying out in the sun, listening to the sound of the waves, watching a family frolic in the waves, watching a pelican float along on the waves, and was lucky enough to see the SpaceX Falcon 9 Starlink launch!!! It was neat to see everybody on the beach standing and looking north to catch the launch. My parents saw a launch from their house on Monday and said they could even see the separation event. This one wasn’t nearly as close as that one. It traveled more east than south. Still pretty cool to see on a random trip to the beach.

I have decided the beach is good for the soul and I must stick to my goal of making it there at least once a week. If not for me, I need to do it for all my loved ones in PA and DE who are enduring the winter!

The little bright spot is the SpaceX Falcon 9 launch

Positive Social Media

I’ve signed up to follow some inspirational and positive Twitter accounts. Here’s what my feed looked like at one point recently:

For those of you who know me, you know I love quotes. And I have yours that you gave me close at heart in Florida, figuratively and literally.

Too often social media divides or depresses. But it doesn’t have to.

I like these quotes (and I LOVE the Golden Retriever Channel on Twitter.) These are little touches too that can help make a big difference.

And like the first quote, by William Feather, it’s important not only to bring these little instances of joy into each day, it’s also important to notice and appreciate them.

Boundaries

Ways to practice self love: (from https://wildsimplejoy.com/affirmations-self-worth/)

Not “people pleasing”
Trusting your gut instincts
Setting aside time for rest and self-care
Allowing your creativity to shine
Using “No” as a complete sentence
Celebrating your successes
Rolling with your failures
Speaking to yourself as if you were a friend
Allowing yourself time to grieve
Not beating yourself up for making mistakes
Allowing yourself to feel pleasure
Forgive ourselves if we treat ourselves poorly

Just saying I’m going to work on improving my sense of self worth isn’t enough. I need concrete steps. Setting boundaries is a great way to start.

I like this list (even though the wording of the last bullet doesn’t fit with the way all the other bullets are worded). I’m going to try to set some boundaries based on these.

I also did a little searching for Bible verses related to setting boundaries. The following verse isn’t as much about setting boundaries as it’s about staying with them.

“Don’t be misled – you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant… so let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.”
Galatians 6: 7 & 9

Little Touch Follow-Up

First, if you don’t already use a navigation app like Waze or Google Maps when you drive, I highly recommend it. I am a fan of Waze, which will update your route based on real time traffic data. Also, users can share information like when there is a car on the side of the road, debris on the road, or a police car up ahead.

Granted, short drives don’t really warrant using a navigation app. Long distance drives, trips during high traffic times, and driving in unfamiliar places are great for using Waze.

Anyway, one of my favorite features is that you can choose different navigation voices. I like using one of the UK English voices. It became a favorite of mine when it pronounced Lititz Pike (“lit-its”) as “le tits” pike.

My sister uses the Boy Band voice option. It sings the navigation. “🎶In a quarter of a mile, go leeeeft🎶.” It’s so silly. And so simple. And just adds a little touch of joy to driving, which could otherwise be mundane, frustrating, etc.

I hope you notice and appreciate the little touches in the world around you. And if you don’t see enough, consider adding some of your own. Like changing up the voice on your navigation app.

🙂 Love you my friends!

For thee and for me

I give myself unconditional love
Self affirmation #3 from https://wildsimplejoy.com/affirmations-self-worth/

I tend to beat myself up over things. For example, I’ll replay situations in my mind and think of all the different ways I should have responded. And I’ll feel silly, stupid, not empathetic enough, not assertive enough, and the list goes on. I know I am my own harshest critic.

Toward others, though, I am the essence of loving, kind, caring, empathetic, and gracious. I am a believer and a cheerleader and a fan. I absolutely love people. I love their quirks and “flaws.” I cannot help but see the good in them.

I was once asked why I’m not as gracious with myself as I am with others. I had no good answer. Still don’t. And instead of wasting time thinking of an answer for that, I’m going to flip the narrative.

This third self affirmation statement has me thinking that I should be able to love myself as unconditionally as I love others. I love thee and thus I should be able to love me. That’s it. I’m not going to make it any more complicated than that.

Am I allowed to question?

Here is the second self affirmation statement on the website I referenced yesterday:

“I am whole just as I am.”
Self affirmation #2 from https://wildsimplejoy.com/affirmations-self-worth/

I think I have to disagree. Is that okay? I’m committed to no longer listening to my head trash, but I’m not sure I’m capable of blindly believing/repeating something I found on a random website without at least running it through the Jill mill.

My natural inclination toward all things science has always lead me to be a questioner. I believe wholeheartedly in the power of questioning. It will either reaffirm your initial opinion or it will help change it. Either outcome is good. What worries me is when things aren’t questioned.

In this case I go beyond science to faith. I am not whole just as I am if I am without God. And I don’t want to be without God. I tried that. It didn’t work. At all.

I could spend another paragraph or two debating also that people lose themselves, get lost, or are otherwise less than whole, for a lot of reasons. But I will spare us all that tangent for now.

So, in my typical fashion, I am going to look at this in such a way that it is still positive and beneficial. After questioning this second self affirmation statement, I feel reaffirmed in faith. And I propose this small yet incredibly important change to the statement: I am whole just as I am, in the Lord God.

“May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
1 Thessalonians 5:23 NIV

Addendum from a dear sweet friend: Isaiah 43:1-2 are beautiful promises also. “But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.”

Wrestling with the quiet

It’s been a while since I posted…..

As my big move was looming, I was fortunate to get to spend some quality time with great friends. At dinner one night with two of them, we talked about how a struggle I was probably going to face was wrestling with the quiet. My move was effectively removing a lot of noise from my life. And I needed to be aware of embracing the quiet, not just refilling my life with noise.

Well, I’ve found that has come true. However, not quite like I had imagined. Instead of refilling my life with external noise, I’ve allowed internal noise in. Which might be even more distracting.

Without my career, my friends, and my material accomplishments, I’ve lost some of my identity and sense of self worth. It took another conversation with a friend to identify this is what’s been going on.

And, I’m actually okay with this “loss” because we really shouldn’t find our self worth in those external things anyway. Rather, our self worth should come from being our flawed, unique, and lovely selves.

Starting today, I’m taking back control. Step by step. Piece by piece. I’m pushing out the head trash and replacing it with positive self affirmations.

More than likely you have some external or internal noise that’s distracting you from feeling your true self worth too. If you’re so inclined, take some time to reflect on that and the following two quotes:

“I am worthy. I am loved. I am enough.”
Self affirmation #1 from https://wildsimplejoy.com/affirmations-self-worth/

“You are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you.”
Isaiah 43:4