Have I mentioned that I am loving waiting tables?! I get to meet such amazing, interesting, and kind people.
I met a man recently who was celebrating completing his first half marathon. He is 91 years old. And he and his wife have been married for 66 years. Just amazing.
I also met a couple recently to whom I mentioned a bit about my story and my blog. As we talked about my unknown future, the lovely lady said she likes to call that “delicious ambiguity.” No matter how things turn out, they will be good. I told her I loved the saying and that I might post about it. Well, here it is!
And here’s to all the wonderful things you can learn from talking with people. Love. It is the absolute most important thing in the world.
I’ve signed up to follow some inspirational and positive Twitter accounts. Here’s what my feed looked like at one point recently:
For those of you who know me, you know I love quotes. And I have yours that you gave me close at heart in Florida, figuratively and literally.
Too often social media divides or depresses. But it doesn’t have to.
I like these quotes (and I LOVE the Golden Retriever Channel on Twitter.) These are little touches too that can help make a big difference.
And like the first quote, by William Feather, it’s important not only to bring these little instances of joy into each day, it’s also important to notice and appreciate them.
Just saying I’m going to work on improving my sense of self worth isn’t enough. I need concrete steps. Setting boundaries is a great way to start.
I like this list (even though the wording of the last bullet doesn’t fit with the way all the other bullets are worded). I’m going to try to set some boundaries based on these.
I also did a little searching for Bible verses related to setting boundaries. The following verse isn’t as much about setting boundaries as it’s about staying with them.
“Don’t be misled – you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant… so let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.”
I tend to beat myself up over things. For example, I’ll replay situations in my mind and think of all the different ways I should have responded. And I’ll feel silly, stupid, not empathetic enough, not assertive enough, and the list goes on. I know I am my own harshest critic.
Toward others, though, I am the essence of loving, kind, caring, empathetic, and gracious. I am a believer and a cheerleader and a fan. I absolutely love people. I love their quirks and “flaws.” I cannot help but see the good in them.
I was once asked why I’m not as gracious with myself as I am with others. I had no good answer. Still don’t. And instead of wasting time thinking of an answer for that, I’m going to flip the narrative.
This third self affirmation statement has me thinking that I should be able to love myself as unconditionally as I love others. I love thee and thus I should be able to love me. That’s it. I’m not going to make it any more complicated than that.
I think I have to disagree. Is that okay? I’m committed to no longer listening to my head trash, but I’m not sure I’m capable of blindly believing/repeating something I found on a random website without at least running it through the Jill mill.
My natural inclination toward all things science has always lead me to be a questioner. I believe wholeheartedly in the power of questioning. It will either reaffirm your initial opinion or it will help change it. Either outcome is good. What worries me is when things aren’t questioned.
In this case I go beyond science to faith. I am not whole just as I am if I am without God. And I don’t want to be without God. I tried that. It didn’t work. At all.
I could spend another paragraph or two debating also that people lose themselves, get lost, or are otherwise less than whole, for a lot of reasons. But I will spare us all that tangent for now.
So, in my typical fashion, I am going to look at this in such a way that it is still positive and beneficial. After questioning this second self affirmation statement, I feel reaffirmed in faith. And I propose this small yet incredibly important change to the statement: I am whole just as I am, in the Lord God.
“May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
1 Thessalonians 5:23 NIV
Addendum from a dear sweet friend: Isaiah 43:1-2 are beautiful promises also. “But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.”
As my big move was looming, I was fortunate to get to spend some quality time with great friends. At dinner one night with two of them, we talked about how a struggle I was probably going to face was wrestling with the quiet. My move was effectively removing a lot of noise from my life. And I needed to be aware of embracing the quiet, not just refilling my life with noise.
Well, I’ve found that has come true. However, not quite like I had imagined. Instead of refilling my life with external noise, I’ve allowed internal noise in. Which might be even more distracting.
Without my career, my friends, and my material accomplishments, I’ve lost some of my identity and sense of self worth. It took another conversation with a friend to identify this is what’s been going on.
And, I’m actually okay with this “loss” because we really shouldn’t find our self worth in those external things anyway. Rather, our self worth should come from being our flawed, unique, and lovely selves.
Starting today, I’m taking back control. Step by step. Piece by piece. I’m pushing out the head trash and replacing it with positive self affirmations.
More than likely you have some external or internal noise that’s distracting you from feeling your true self worth too. If you’re so inclined, take some time to reflect on that and the following two quotes:
I get to see this on my run sometimes. It’s a very simple fountain. Installed in a retention pond. And it changes everything.
Makes me think of how much the little things can make such a big difference. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how you package something – that something is awesome or terrible no matter what. But I think that’s the exception.
I think in many ways and in most cases, that little touch makes all the difference. I think it’s worth it to strive for those little things. Looking someone in the eye as you deliver good news. Sending a hand-written card instead of an email. Putting on some festive earrings. Details matter. Packaging matters. The little touches matter.
“It’s the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen.”
One year ago today, I said goodbye one final time to my beloved boy, Ollie.
Despite severe epilepsy, a bad and rare reaction to prednisone, and two ACL replacements, he lived almost 13 years. Unfortunately, the epilepsy slowly took his mind and personality and caused real suffering at the very end. I regret he suffered that last night; as fellow dog mommies and daddies out there, I know you understand needing to be absolutely sure it’s time before you make the ultimate decision.
That being said, I want to spend time remembering all the love and joy he brought to my life. He was such a good good boy. Obedient, smart, silly, loving, and cute. From the way he pranced instead of walked, managed to sneeze in your face and step on your feet, was incapable of being anything but in the way, and how he’d approach you all happy and seeking attention but as soon as you’d try to touch his face he’d turn away, to being the world’s best snuggler, butterfly chaser, and strangest wrestler (putting his butt up in the air as he wrestled with a toy), and so so much more. He was simply, frustratingly, and endearingly the best.
I could post probably millions of pictures of Ollie from his almost 13 years. He dominated my camera roll. The featured pic for this post is one of my all-time favorite pics of him. Here is a collage I put together shortly after he passed away of pictures of him and me together. The single pic of him and me I found later on an old phone. It’s one of my favs too.
Ollie’s passing was the first big step toward me moving to Florida, although I didn’t realize it at the time. The loneliness I felt after he passed was overwhelming. It spurred me to awaken to how much I was putting on hold to prioritize work.
Some final notes, if you are nearing the end with a beloved pet, consider Lap of Love. They come to your home and are consummate caring professionals. Thank you to everyone who sent me cards, gifts, prayers, and love after Ollie passed. It meant more than I can say. Thank you to Trinda, who helped care for my boy in his final months. If you’re looking for some drop in pet care, she’s your lady (message me and I can give you her contact info). And finally, thank you Monica, for being Ollie’s mom away from home and for being there for both of us, always.
I love you Ollie and I miss you. Be a good boy until I see you again. 💙
I started the day out by sleeping in until 7:30. This might not seem like sleeping in, but for someone who got up at 5:30 am every work day for years, it is. It was nice to stay in bed until the sun was out.
I decided today would be my first run. And let me clarify quickly that I use the word “run” loosely here. I laced up and headed out. It was gorgeous. 53 degrees, mostly sunny, with shadows cast by the rising sun.
My self talk can be kind of head trashy during runs. Today wasn’t too bad for that. I did have thoughts about wishing I was a faster runner, but then I passed some older folks who were walking and I thought to myself, “they probably see me running and wish they could still run. I should be grateful that I can run, even if it’s not very fast.”
And that’s the crux of today. Gratitude. It’s an attitude and it’s so important. I was inspired by a text from a friend today about being grateful. Instead of being unhappy that I didn’t sleep longer, I was grateful to sleep until the sun was up. Instead of beating myself up for a slow pace (on my first run in weeks), I was grateful to be out running at all. Instead of missing my boy, I’m going to cherish the joy-filled times I had with him.
Appreciate what you have. Especially your health. When you don’t have that, it’s hard to have much else. Be grateful for all things, big and small.
“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Today was unexpectedly rainy, but still warmer than back in PA. We started our day seeing a stork by the pond out back. He was cute, standing on his tall legs with his wings at his sides. He looked much more stork-like once he took to the air. Here’s a picture of the view out back, no stork in it though.
Then we went and had coffee and pastries at the 1420 Coffee Shop. Delish!
From there we ventured to Round Island Beach Park, where we were hoping we might see some manatees. No such luck with that but we did enjoy taking in the serene sights and other fauna like birds, lizards, and jumping fish.
Do you see the jumping fish?
The rain held off just long enough for us to spend some time at the park. As the rain picked back up, we drove north on A1A, all the way to Sebastian Inlet State Park, taking in some local beach sights.
After some rest and relaxing this afternoon, we had a delicious meal at Italian Cousin before taking BA to her hotel near the Orlando Sanford airport.
I got one final big hug from Betty Anne as we said goodbye for now. I’m so grateful to her for joining me on this journey. She was great company and a good sport all along the way. Who would’ve thought, when she said several months ago she wouldn’t let me drive to Florida alone, that this is how things would turn out. God is great. And so are amazing people, like Betty Anne.
J.I.L.L. 